I would argue that I am in the best shape I have ever been. Actually, I wouldn’t argue it, I am sure of it. At the ripe old age of 31, I find myself being in the best, overall, physical shape. I am not the thinnest or weigh the least but I am, without question, the strongest and healthiest I have ever been. I can easily run a 5k, lift heavy weights, do a HIIT workout, swim a mile, and hold my own in a yoga or pilates class or spin class. All while recovering very quickly.
I have recently been working out more frequently than normal thanks to a fancy new gym membership. My sister works at a high end gym and let me use her guest membership for a very reasonable monthly price. This means I get access to a full gym with equipment I have never even heard of before, all these fun fitness classes and an indoor lap pool. When I’m there, I feel like a kid in a candy shop, I don’t know what to choose first.
Since I have been working out more and eating really well, I have naturally lost a little weight. Not a lot mind you, it might only be enough for me to notice but I have definitely noticed. That wasn’t my plan or my goal, it just came with my increase in exercise. I have also noticed I have a lot more muscle definition. My shoulders, back, and arms are looking more sculpted and I swear, in certain light, you can see the whisper of a six pack peeking through my abdomen.
Yet, for some reason, I find myself consciously choosing to wear baggy clothes in certain situations. Almost like I don’t want people to see or comment. As someone who has been a little overweight, and then a bit underweight and has only reached some consistency in the past few years, I have heard every comment about my weight imaginable. “Don’t eat too much of that, it’s very fattening.” “Do you really need that second portion?” “Don’t pig out on appetizers, you won’t be hungry for dinner.” Or on the opposite end of the spectrum, “Oh my god, you look so skinny!” “You look too thin.” “Ugh, I wish I looked like that.” You get the picture, I have heard it all and everything in between.
So now I find it interesting that around certain people, I find myself hiding my freshly sculpted biceps or my solid quads, and especially my belly. Fifteen years ago, I hid my mid section for an entirely different reason. I was self conscious and convinced my belly was too fat and jiggly for the public eye. And now I find myself doing the same thing but for the complete opposite reason. I can’t really make sense of it.
The only place I am comfortable “showing off” what I look like is the gym. And I’m not even showing off, I’m just working out and I get sweaty! Even now I feel like I am internally justifying taking off my shirt in a hot yoga class. It took me months to be comfortable with it.
It’s funny how the mind works. But this just goes to show me that it doesn’t matter what kind of shape you’re in, you have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I have come a long, long way since my teenage years but it seems I still have a long, long way to go.
