I always heard tales about how as you get older, you don’t have the spark or the energy that you used to. Whether it’s to stay out late, wear a cute dress that cuts off circulation or go to a social event after an incredibly long week.
I think part of that might be true but I also think that a lot of that has to do with the idea that as we get older, we don’t necessarily become lame (though that might be a little true), it’s that we just care so much less. We aren’t afraid to do the more comfortable but less sexy thing. Because let’s be honest, being comfortable and cool don’t always go hand in hand.
The other night I had trouble falling asleep. That in itself is nothing new but the reason was something that I felt pathetic admitting. We had the AC going, along with two fans. Normally it creates a nice little white noise effect but on this particular night it wasn’t doing it for me. The hums weren’t in sync and the AC was slightly louder than the fan. Yes, I realize how insane that sounds, just roll with it for the sake of the story.
I tossed and turned for a while, growing increasingly more frustrated with every minute that passed by. Sleep was evading me once again. I have seen social media and blog posts talk about the different accessories people need when they sleep. Eye masks, ear plugs, headphones, white noise machines, specialty pajamas, etc. I always thought they were quite excessive until I had reached my wits end.
I remembered I had some earplugs from my bartending days. Once I put them in, I slowly felt myself drifting off to sleep. It was a miracle. When I woke up, I was very pleased with myself for this discovery and then my immediate next thought was, “is this it? Does this mean I’m old now?”
I used to be confused when people would talk about getting older and the feeling of freedom that comes with it. They cared so much less about what other people thought and in turn, were less severe when it came to judging themselves . They would assure me that it only gets more liberating with age.
I was confused because as a stubborn 20-something year old, I already had an attitude of “I don’t care what you think.” But now in my early 30s, I’m finally starting to understand. It’s not only that I care less what people think, but I am growing to be so much more comfortable with who I am. It’s not just ear plugs when I sleep, the list is endless. It could be what I choose to wear, what make up I put on or even how I respond in awkward social interactions.
I am becoming less and less willing to sacrifice or agree to things just to seem young and hip. I’m tired. As much fun as I had when I was younger, I wouldn’t trade it for what I feel now. Secure. Sure. Almost…proud? Proud to be boring.
